


Saradomins Downfall (April Fools story)

by SkystoneJexel



Category: Runescape
Genre: #StopSaradomin, April Fools, Bloodslaughter, Deathblade, F/M, Gary Stu, Masterpiece, badfic, gratuitous sex, ridiculous violence, trollfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 16:10:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10790055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkystoneJexel/pseuds/SkystoneJexel
Summary: In the land of Gielinor, a terrible tyrant holds great power in the kingdom of Asgarnia, cowering in his castle full of knights as he subjugates and enslaves all who oppose him. One man/vampire/Mahjattat will stand with this tyrant and take the fight to his enemy, Saradomin, so that peace, prosperity, justice, and freedom may be crushed because the weak deserve to die. Also, boobs.





	Saradomins Downfall (April Fools story)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AceTrainerAlicia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceTrainerAlicia/gifts).



The priests approached the altar with the saradomin monks in handcuffs. “Ha ha ha.” they laughed. “Please dont kill us we beg you.” the monks begged. Disgusted i stabbed them with my dragon longsword “the weak deserve to die so that the strong may flourish,” the red blood flowed onto the altar staining it a crimson red color.

“Good job killing the saradomin scum but there are more who need to die” Zamorak said. “South of us is the city of falador where the saradomin scum enslave people and wip them and make them make the walls all shiny and white and ivory and sparkling. Kill the white nights and free the people so they can be free and bring freedom to Gielnor.” “it will be done my lord the world will be free from saradominist tyranny” i replied

When I approched the gates there was guards but they ran away screaming “oh no it’s deathblade bloodslaughter everybody run.” but soon the white nights caught up to them wipping them and saying “fight you cowards saradomin will rip off your arms if you don’t fight don’t disobey the lord of supreme goodness.” so the guards fought me but I summoned fire and it swallowed them all as they agonizingly screamed in agony they died like the saradomin scum deserve.

The nights attacked me and i swung my sword cleaving through their armor easily they scramed in pain and they attacked back at me but their swords were weak and i laughed as their swords only left scratches in my robes my dragon longsword and my fire magic killed them all and soon there were piles of dead bodies and the mote of the castle was red with the blood that they bled from their vains. So i dranked from the mote and my power became bigger and stronger because im part vampire. The saradomin nights were so weak that I killed hundreds of them with no problem because saradomins philosphy makes people weak chaos is the only way people become strong.

“The nights are dead but their damage still remains I must cleans the city of all the saradominits” so I came in everyones houses and they suffered at the hands of my blade. Not just the men but the women and the children to. All saradominists must die. Then wehn they were all dead i went to the castle which shined with the ugly white light of all the saradominists oppression and slavery and blinding light architecture and statues and stars and blue flags that represented the abusive laws of the saradominists and the weakness of order. It made me so angry that i took one of the white nights from the battle and i through him against the castle wall and his armor shattered and he exploded into little red peaces and left a red smear on the wall

Then i went to the top floor of the castle and there was saradomin with his stupid beard “how dare you kill my people i’m going to bring you to justice for all the bloodshed you caused” he yelled at me.

“You are weak and stagnant and its better for your people to be dead than to be weak and enslaved” i yelled back

Behind saradomin there was a hot blonde chick with big boobs who was skinny with long legs and she was in a sexy red bikini and had red eyes that stared strait into mine her beautiful golden hair cascaded down her perfect caramel skin. “Help me i’m being oppressed” she cried and i saw that she was tied up with ropes

“Shut up adrasteia you slut” saradomin shouted and he slapped her “women are only for cooking and cleaning and sex is wrong, how dare you defy me my daughter by dressing in such slutty clothes”

“Let her go.” I yelled. “You never let anyone have any freedom.”

“Never, you have defied me for the last time Deathblade Bloodslaughter. I’m going to kill you and all the zamorakians.” and then Saradomin teleported a staff into his hand and he shot a spell at me but I dodged it then I charged at him and he was alarmed at my incredible speed and all he could do was bring his staff in front of his face and block my sword but my sword was too sharp and cut his staff in half then he fell to his knees

“No please don’t kill me i’m sorry for everything I did.” he said and he cired.

“Sorry isn’t good enough for all the naragi you killed and wings you ripped off and zamorakians you betrayed and properganda you spread and people you made follow you and the wand you stole from me and the zombie army you want to raze.” I said resolutionally.

And then I cut off his arms and then his legs and I smarshed his crown and he was helpless on the ground crimson red scarlet blood gushing out of all the stumps of his arms and legs. “Time for you to die in the name of teh Empty Lord.” i exlaimed.

“Nooooooooooooooooo. He shouted.” and then I set him on fire and he burned to death and the ashes turned to stone.

“Please untie me my stupid father did this to me.” Adrasteia begged. So I untied her “Im deathblade bloodslaughter half mahjattat half vampire half human and champion of zamorak and zaros i’m here to save you from the evil saradominists” I said.

“Thank you so much my dad is so evil did you know he ripped the wings off an icyene once.” she said gratefully thanking me.

“Yes I know its good too see you aren’t too blind to see how all the saradominists lie and people who are smart follow zamorak and zoaros.” i said

Then she started taking off her clothes and I could see her huge tits in all their huge glory and i could see her pussy and ass to. “I have a speical way of thanking you for rescuing me.”

So i took my dark robes of mah off and through my sword at the saradomin altar so i was naked to. “Its so big she said staring open mouthed at my cock”

And so she kissed me and then we laid down in saradomins ashes and i started thrusting in and out and she moaned “ah ah ah” and i started thrusting faster and faster and she started moning louder and louder then i grabbed her tits and she started sucking me and i licked her pussy and it was so wet from her aerosol and then we kissed again and i thrust faster and harder and we were both getting closer to cumming with my cock thrusting in and out of her pussy. “Oh deathblade oh deathblade oh deathblade” she cried as i released my powerful cum into her pussy “oh adrasteia fuck me baby” I shouted back

Then we got up and we put our cloths back on. “Oh deathblade bloodslaughter that was wonderful and i’m so glad you freed me from my fathers slavery.” she said

“Yes it was wonderful will you follow zamorak adn zaros now then we can have sex as much as we want not like the saradominists who call it immoral” I spoke

“For someone as sexy as you of course i’ll convert you’re so amazing and sexy and strong and dark and handsome and good and noble” she praised

Then i slapped her as hard as i could and she started crying “don’t call me good bitch, good is lame. I’m dark and evil and strong!”

“I’m so sorry, my dark evil lord” she corrected herself “now lets go back to zamorak and celebrate our victory over saradomin.”

“Not so fast i need to kill armadyl too” I protested. “Dont take to long because i need to suck your big throbbing dick again soon” she pleaded

Picking up my sword from the ground i promised her “i wont.” then i started walking to armaydls tower.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written as an April Fools joke for AceTrainerAlicia. As she is my inspiration and the foremost supporter of my writing, it seemed only fitting to write an intentionally bad story for her. She had quite a good laugh at it, and others seemed to get a laugh out of it as well when I showed it to them, so I thought why not post it here? I hope you enjoy basking in its profound awfulness and unforgivable crimes against the lore of RuneScape and the literary art!


End file.
